The One Word that Symbolizes my life!

I write this at a time when I am grieving, grieving the loss of two wonderful and close souls to me, my maternal grandparents. I write this from the depth of my heart, because it is moments like these when I cannot express in words my true thoughts, I begin to express them in the skill I have always enjoyed which is writing.

So why I am opening myself up and writing this now? Because of the shock of what has happened with the two losses within the last month, I have started reflecting, really reflecting on me as a person; my character, my virtues, my dreams…most of all questioning with real conviction what IS my true purpose here.

While I am still searching for and discovering some answers, there is one epiphany I have had during these last few intense days of reflection. I have come to realize there is one theme, one word that seems to have summed up my life to date, and perhaps the purpose I will work towards…that word is FIGHTER!

If I think in earnest how it all really started, the turning point was my father’s demise 12 years ago. 22 years and innocent in the ways of the world, that was a point I started a path of fighting…not fighting in the sense of being a spoilt brat not getting his wants…but fighting in the sense for my family, for my dreams, for the things I felt were right in terms of my values…and fighting in those moments when I felt despair and felt no more reason to go on!

I know it sounds cliche, this whole talk about fighting in life when things don’t seem right or when things don’t go the way we planned. There were moments when I regrettably thought that I will always struggle and have to fight for the things that I desired…like nothing was ever going to come easy without me going through a dip and then rising back again…

But then it hit me…

I would be fighting to show that I could help others FIGHT for what they wanted…Perhaps my experiences in fighting for my dreams, desires, or ambition is exactly the reason I needed to go through these experiences in order to inspire others, others who felt their worth was no more, while for some who felt lost in this ever confusing space called the World!

It’s no wonder then that I always get inspired when I see comeback stories, whether they are in the real or reel…and that’s why I always refer to that old cliche of a blockbuster, Rocky! While Rocky shows what hard work and ambition can achieve, I believe what ultimately gets Sylvester Stallone through to be a champion in life is to FIGHT! When everyone else around believed no more, that was the time Rocky won because he fought back!

And so when I ponder and reflect on some of the most happy memories of my grandparents, there is one particular moment which always raises a sense of pride and joy thinking back to it. This particular moment is one I always refer back to when I feel all is seemingly lost and hazy…

Back in December 2005, in a cold biting Delhi winter, the moment I had returned ‘home’ to return my Father’s ashes, I remember still coming out through the moments of despair I felt all year with my loss. My grandfather was always a strong man, one who believed in values but at the same time worked hard with the belief to always fight on with independence and courage! I remember at the airport on our return home, he gave me this look where he perhaps recognized a sadness in me…I remember him putting his hand on my back and saying with an authority in Hindi “go and show the world now what you are made of!”

That was the moment when a sense of pride returned, my “Rocky” moment! From then on I learnt to become a fighter in life!

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